I was engaged at one point in my early thirties. She was great, but I was an idiot. The engagement didn’t last, and we never married. At the time, my world was collapsing around me. We were so close to getting married that the breakup was almost like a divorce. I didn’t see a way out of the mess I created. The impending change hit me like a wrecking ball.
I was about as low as a person could be. My family and friends supported me as best they could. I went to a psychologist to help me work through some things mentally. I also met with a pastor to work on some things spiritually. The combination of familial support, psychological support, and spiritual support helped me claw myself out of the hole I was in.
It took almost a full year before I finally started to feel like myself again. I guess I should clarify that statement by pointing out that I actually felt like a better version of myself. I had confidence again. I realized that I wasn’t a horrible person—just a person who makes mistakes. I wish I could take back all the mistakes I made, but that would be counterproductive. Life is based on trial and error. As children, we are told certain things by our parents to keep us safe. Some things we trust implicitly because they were made so crystal clear by our parents that we just believe. An example is being told not to touch the stove or oven. Though most of us follow that direction, there are some who just need to test it for themselves. Hence, the child who burns his or her hand on the stove.
However, some other things our parents told us we really didn’t trust. I can’t speak for everyone’s family norms, but in my house, drinking before you turned 21 was a serious no-no. I might have made it to 21, but college came between high school graduation and my 21st birthday. My point is that through trial and error, we learn. That we are told something is dangerous or bad for us doesn’t matter; we humans usually need to find out some things for ourselves. More often than not, we learn more from our mistakes than our successes.
I got a little sidetracked there, but I wanted to explain my story before I talked about change. As I stated, change hit me like a wrecking ball. After a significant amount of time and self-help, I did find myself at a point where I could accept the change that occurred in my life. After the trauma subsided and I was able to look back at that period of my life with clarity, I realized that the breakup was for the best. I certainly didn’t see it at the time, but without that happening, I wouldn’t be married to my wife, who is my best friend.
Change is scary. It is often hard. In my experience, regardless of how awful the change seemed, it has always led me to a better place. In education, change is inevitable. I have learned so much from change, both positive and negative. I have learned new content, which I believe makes me a more well-rounded teacher. I have formed relationships with colleagues that probably would not have occurred had we not been paired together on teaching teams. Each time a change occurred, I immediately thought the worst. At this point in my life, I have accepted that change is inevitable, so I do my best to keep a calm head about it. If we can limit the stress that change causes, we can look at the change with a clear mind.
Your task this week: Find a way to help someone in need. You don’t need to make some grand gesture; even the smallest helpful hand will suffice. The one thing that always has helped me cope with change is trying to help others. That may seem weird, but when I am deliberately thinking about or trying to help someone else, I end up coping with the change that is happening in my life. We have all heard the adage, “It’s better to give than receive.” Helping others is a form of giving, and the benefits are immeasurable.
